It’s Black Friday which means it’s officially time to start panicking about what to buy everyone for the holidays. That is unless you’re like everyone in the world I know and you’ve stopped bothering giving gifts to your parents/partner/siblings/friends and basically everyone in your life above the age of 13. But I bet even though you have no plans to buy a damn thing, you still like looking at the shopping guides that come out every year. Besides, I wrote this two weeks ago and I’m not even on the internet right now. It still counts as blogging! Win-win for everyone!
I polled my friends to see what they were hoping to get for Christmas and basically I found out that none of us really want anything except for someone to pay rent for us. So instead I just went through and tried to find little luxurious things that no one would ask for but would probably enjoy having it you gave it to them.
I tend to skew towards stuff *I* like so this gift guide is probably only helpful for the urban 20ish year old female. But it just so happens that I like a wide variety of (unisex)((multi-category) stuff so I didn’t even bother separating these into those ridiculous “guy who’s into tech”, “girl who’s outdoorsy” categories. Just buy this shit. Anyone would like it.
|The Selby is In Your House ($18): I’m a big fan of coffee table books about people who seem to exist only in coffee table books and this is the quirky little sister to Architectural Digest. if the person you got it for seems to be like “buh?” when they open it just start laughing and saying it’s a joke and make fun of how hipster the people in the photos are.|
|Vornado’s Foot Rest/Personal Space Heater: Eh I just added this because I’m always cold in my office and my heater just broke. But I bet it’s cold in your beau’s office too.
Keep him/her warm!
|Cheese Making Kit ($25): Any foodie worth their salt knows how great fresh mozzarella and ricotta is (supposed to be) and the best way to get it fresh at home is to make it yourself. Or give this to someone who has kids and doesn’t mind messes.|
|Russian Doll stationary ($23): For the person always sending off little notes to her loved ones.|
|Butter Stripe Wool Satchel ($110): I feel like everyone is always looking to update their commuter bag. I prefer ones that won’t look dingy after some wear and tear and aren’t TOO too big but can still fit a book and maybe your lunch. Oh and light. Very very light. Score!|
|The Cycle Care Kit ($19): The perfect stocking stuffer. Includes sprocket oil, wash & wax gel, polish and some insect repellent for good measure, all in stylish packaging.|
|Le Creuset 1 qt Round Oven ($88): Usually people invest on a monstrous dutch oven but a friend brought this to a potluck once and I fell in love with it. The size is perfect for braised chicken for 2, or a generous party portion of spinach cheese dip. And it looks so chic! (Chic.)|
|Pendleton Flannel Gloves ($50):
Just the right amount of flannel.
|Tartine Bread ($26): I like to think of myself as something of a cookbook expert, not necessarily because I own that many (I swear I don’t) but because sometimes (often) during my lunch hour I’ll walk over to Border’s to flip through them. I’ve flipped through A LOT of cookbooks and wandered over there recently to figure out which one you should give to the wannabe chef in your life. I picked Tartine Bread because it fits my patented Four Criteria for a Successful Cookbook which I won’t get into here because it took up too much space. Suffice it to say, it’s an incredible book.|
|Cross ATX Fountain Pen ($85): I fucking love fountain pens. People always want to have sex with people who have smudgy inked writers hands. FACT.|
|Fire Pit ($180): You have friends that have a backyard but don’t own a fire pit? Or worse, YOU HAVE A BACKYARD BUT YOU DON’T OWN A FIRE PIT?! Give this to yourself. And then invite me over.|
|Deyrolle for Opening Ceremony Animal Scarf ($95)
or Vintage Look Dog Silk Scarf ($48):
Get her a nice scarf already!
|Netflix subscription ($41 for 3 months): I think this is easily the most universally enjoyed gift ever because Netflix has such a variety, even the pickiest viewers will find something. Dude they have Fawlty Towers on STREAMING! And a frighteningly large collection of sexual anime films which I only know because of how often they pop up when I do a search for something like “Step Up”. We even got it for grandparents: we showed them how to open and then return the discs and we controlled the queue for them. They loved it. Until they died Anyway if someone already has it no one is going to sneeze at a $41 off coupon.|
|Cookin’ With Coolio ($10): I know I said there’s only one cookbook to buy this season but really you should be getting this for everyone on your list. Among many other good reasons: Coolio, references to both Hugh Hefner and the movie Misery, and “Kompton Fried Chicken (KFC)”.|
|Triops Desktop Monsters Kit ($19): Holy SHIT. It’s like miniature horseshoe crabs! As pets! I saw this and then spent a good 45 minutes reading about triops and looking at pictures of people who have successfully grown these things in their home. These are like a billion times better than sea monkeys. These things are crazy! LOOK HOW BIG THEY CAN GET! OMG I’m going to dedicate an entire blog to triops.|
|Bobber Helmet ($150):
Helmets are ugly. Except this one.
|Cheers Flask ($50): Everyone needs a good flask.
|Decoded, by Jay-Z ($19): The word-of-mouth favorite for recent celebrity autobiographies is the Keith Richards book but this is the one I’m clamoring for.|
|Gap gFast Striped Legging ($50): You really shouldn’t support anything that refers to itself as lowercase letter-relevant word but that blue racing stripe kills me every time.|
|Gorey’s The Gashlycrumb Tinies and Amphigorey ($9 and $12):
Give the kids a little darkness this year.
|Introduction to Rock Climbing ($75): Exercise for people who don’t like exercise! Exercise for people who struggle to open jars! Or exercise for people who are already awesome at every other kind of exercise. Exercise for people who love to shop at REI!|
|Angels Wings iPhone/iPod stand ($10): No more
propping up the iPod with the in-flight magazine.
|Monkey or Lion Puppet Mittens ($20): Forget stimulating games, just let the kids use their IMAGINATION! IMAGINAAAATTTTIOOONN! (I will buy you a pair of these for you if you can identify that reference)|
|Fat Gives Things Flavor poster ($9):
Help people spread the good word.
|Adagio Tea Set ($39): They serve this tea at Komi and it’s really really good. Loose tea > bagged tea. Forreals.|
|Tulle Hair Clip ($8):
2011 Resolution: Accessorize better.
|Paper Flower String Lights ($18): Most of you probably live in a world where this sort of thing is way too twee and fantastical for a grown adult’s apartment. Luckily I do not live in that world.|
|Photo Album Library ($18):
For the the digital hold-outs and those prone to nostalgia. Or those with empty bookcases.
|Rothman & Winter Crème De Violette Liqueur 750ml ($26): I knew I wanted to include a bottle of alcohol on here but all the really good shit like Ole Pappy’s bourbon and Oban and what have you is sooooo expensive and while I love [person I'm buying gift for], I got bills to pay. Good cocktail ingredients like bitters and liqueurs are great additions to any bar. Introduce them to the Aviation.|
|Olive Oil Can ($28): My god it’s an olive oil can in the shape of one of those old-timey oil cans! Can’t let the oil come glugging out too fast.|
|Gray Wool Felt Ipad Sleeve ($48): Those jerks bought an iPad!?|
How obvious is it that my enthusiasm for the task really fell off there towards the end? Look it’s impossible to buy gifts for people. And if we were to keep track of the things I give other people, the list would consist solely of gifts of alcohol, photos in picture frames, t-shirts with funny sayings and taking them out to dinner.