Lest anyone wrongly believe that I wrote these five days after the year started and thus suck, you are wrong good sir! I finalized my 2010 resolutions several days before midnight last Thursday but just haven’t gotten around to writing fun little blurbs that you will ignore before moving on to the next item in the list. You see, I was way too busy during the holiday break, sleeping in excess of twelve hours a day and watching useless television. I actually watched HGTV even though I have no home to renovate and find their designs to be of the conservative, boring, model-home style that no one actually lives in so much as admires from afar. And then there was Jersey Shore. So, yeah. Busy.
So I thought I’d sit down right now and write them out since my lunch is heating in the microwave and based on the power output of that machine that gives us about 30 minutes or so. Let’s get started!
- Learn to sew a button: Don’t they make anything of quality anymore? Maybe I’m just terrible at taking care of my clothes. There are lots of items in my closet I no longer wear, or wear with shame, or wear without shame out of laziness but recognize how sloppy it looks, without buttons because they’ve fallen off. I don’t generally take things to the dry cleaners and I don’t trust them not to overcharge me anyway so I don’t do anything about it. I’m aware this is stupid but if I don’t make this a resolution a lot of those items will just sit around until I take them in.
- Get certified for SCUBA: I got the opportunity to SCUBA for the first time back in September and there was a moment right before the guy threw me into the water when I said “Arlene, this is a terrible idea”. While I was sloshing around at the surface I briefly considered abandoning everything and holing myself up on the boat. Then I actually submerged and DUDE. Scuba diving is like those dreams where you can breathe underwater and can fly because you’re weightless and totally unrestricted by gravity and the pesky details of human biology. I’m not a hiker, skier or recreational sports player but I do love the ocean and swimming in it. And the best part about it is that it’s a great excuse to travel all over the world. Guys, I think I found my outdoorsy hobby!
- Run a marathon: Did I really write that? This is idiotic. I couldn’t even bring myself to run two miles this morning. TWO MILES. I told myself. TWO. 2. And it’s not like I went back to sleep either. I woke up and drank tea and stared into space for a little bit. For two hours. Instead of running and showering. Perhaps if I make this one of those SMART goals: run three times a week. Ta-da! I can do that. I do reserve the right to skip this on vacation, just in case I decide to go to China in which case I won’t be lugging a set of running shoes halfway around the world just so I can wheeze through a couple miles on the Mekong.
- Teach a class/Run a program: This scares the hell out of me so I’ll probably totally wuss out. But it’s good experience, particularly in my field, and we know I need all the help I can get. But for serious. Terrified. Me no speak good extemporaneously like.
- Get a haircut: 2010 will be The Year of the Haircut! I will have more than one and lo the peasants will rejoice among the land, spreading the word and praising Allah for the bounty of the earth and the beauty of Arlene’s hair. Actually I have big plans for my hair. BIG PLANS! Like maybe three whole inches off. Wait, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.
I think that’s it for 2010. I figure if I run this hypothetical “marathon” in, say, October, I’ll be dead before the year is up so I really won’t even have time for anything else. Also I’m trying to keep the goals reasonable and attainable to avoid inevitable failure. Okay that’s not true. I tend to do pretty well on my yearly resolutions, it’s just that I usually can’t remember them by the time March roles around.
