Twice a year Apartment Therapy does a Kitchen Cure with several weeks of tasks designed to clean, refresh and revamp your kitchen and now that I’m done with school and I won’t be taking any vacations anytime soon, I fill my time with ridiculous projects.  So naturally I signed up. I feel that I should add that signing up merely means they’re going to email me once a week with some sort of new task not that suddenly I have some drill sergeant holy shit THAT’S how you spell sergeant? looking over my shoulder making sure I’m actually doing this. But I’m feeling bored motivated so I’m doing it anyway. Clearly I’m just dying for someone to just assign me something already.

We’re supposed to take before and after pictures with all our cupboards and everything open but I think kitchenwares are very personal things. Why don’t they just ask me to take a picture of my shirt off with my bank account written on my boobs?

I’m not, however, above showing you what’s in my refrigerator because I find other peoples’ fridges fascinating so I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.

Doesn’t look too bad I suppose until I tell you that almost everything in there is way old,  a lot of it growing various molds/secondary organisms. Both of those egg cartons are at least two months old and yes they still have eggs in them. Obviously I’m a very wasteful person. A wasteful person who has quite a lot of beer.

I set about emptying the fridge and it became pretty clear that everything had to go.

This is the reject pile. That carton of cream? Solid. Couldn’t even pour it down the drain. I felt so bad that I tried to salvage anything possible. So I figure now’s as good a time as any to drink this sparkling sake I purchased probably two years ago now. I poured it in the only glass I owned that seemed acceptable for such a fine beverage: a cordial glass I acquired for the purpose of drinking some schnapps I bought from Germany but never did because they tasted like cough syrup.

What a nice little treat while cleaning out the fridge! And then I took a sip and dumped the whole thing out because ew. Shit’s nasty.

Huzzah! The only thing left is beer, wine, butter, some condiment, some cheese, and, inexplicably, all the ingredients needed to make kimchi. I thoroughly wiped down all the surfaces, including the bottom which suffered from permanent sticky due to an unfortunate marmalade incident.  AND I put my beer into a ridiculous order based on rank (all the really good shit is hidden in the back so my guests can’t accidentally swipe my Westvleteren. I’m known for being a gracious and generous host). I can’t stop looking at it, it’s so pretty. I’ll never buy food again to sully such a beautiful fridge….and I probably shouldn’t be allowed to buy food again, given my propensity for dumping it half-eaten.

Then I went through my cupboards and organized the dried goods and set aside things that I wanted to use right away rather than languish in the pantry for another year:

This should give you an idea of my spending habits, namely that I’m a stockpiler for things that I think will come in handy.  I grab a bag of panko and a bottle of sirarcha literally every time I go to H-Mart, and  a can of pumpkin puree every time I see it in the supermarket, and a bag of chocolate chips every time I shop at Trader Joe’s. I also figured out that people feel the need to give me with maple syrup (that is my second jar). Finally, I lost the cap to that rum and so I covered it with saran wrap and it’s been sitting there like that since New Year’s. With slightly less rum in it. Now: just what in the heck should I be making with some of this stuff?

Whew, I’m exhausted but I feel so alive!!!!! ALIVE!!!  WASN’T THAT THE MOST FUN ADVENTURE YOU’VE EVER HAD?! Look here’s a picture of my hamster holding a corncob with her feet:

Ginger Scallion Noodles and Kimchi

There isn’t a lot of time but guys my homemade kimchi was ZOMGAMAZING. There’s maybe no reason to go korean bbq except it’s korean bbq and I still can’t make the meat taste the same way they do. It was a bit spicy, I’ll have to play with proportions.

But this post is to point out the ginger scallion noodles from the Momofuku cookbook which were SOOO delicious and SOOO easy you would be the most serious loser if you didn’t just try to make it now. The recipe calls for usukuchi which I went to the Hana Japanese market in U Street for and the guy was super nice and showed it to me but the bottle is entirely japanese and I swear it’s just regular soy sauce.  So I don’t think you’ll die if you just use regular soy sauce. Anyway, the recipe is here.  We ate it plain but you’re supposed to pile on veggies and meats. It’s meant to be done whichever way you want. Now go, make it!

(Also pictured: sweet potato pancakes which are just like regular potato pancakes but with sweet potatoes. I adore them and serve them with sour cream mixed with sirarcha. It’s awesome).

Man, the vlog response has been great! It felt really good to know that I was making a difference in the world. The way that vlog affected all of you, the great feedback I received. I have to say, I love each and everyone one of WAIT NONE OF YOU BOTHERED TO TELL ME THAT THE VLOG DIDNT WORK. Fine. Here’s the stinking vlog. Enjoy.

Vlog: Lost Edition! from Arlene Fletcher on Vimeo.

I think my most favorite thing about this vlog is that the screen capture is me with my eyes closed and mouth wide open. The camera always captures my lovely side.

I’ve gotten a few comments about my excessive Lost posting.  And frankly I think we’re all sick of Lost at this point; of course I say that because I just sat through fucking Bai Ling in her guest appearance on Lost and I’m wondering how much longer can I suffer through season three.  So let’s try something new and refreshing.

I miss Mindy Kaling’s great little blog that I don’t think is ever coming back since she didn’t renew her license on the domain and hasn’t updated in like a year.  Unfortunately I don’t really have the budget of an actor/comedienne/sitcom writer and I despise shopping so this isn’t going to be full of cute little outfits.  In fact I had to sit here and think about the last article of clothing I purchased (some tights around Christmas). And then I tried to think of the actual things I’ve purchased in the past two months so I looked at my credit card statement.  I eat out way too much.

Anyway, once I racked my brain for things I’ve actually purchased, I identified a couple fun new things that I just adore in that wonderful, unnatural love for consumer goods that every American has.

1. Roku: So a couple of years ago (a week ago Thursday) I came up with this plan to watch Lost as fast as humanly possible. I’ve learned that it’s not possible to watch it all that quickly. Do you realize there are 25 episodes in the first three seasons? Like twenty five episodes EACH.  Anyway I needed to get a hold of the episodes quickly and at little cost to myself. So how did I end up with a $100 product? Well I calculated how much to buy the DVDs (about $100), if I had time for the disks to arrive on Netflix (no), and whether I was willing to just go and get them at Blockbuster (what’s Blockbuster?). Honestly the Roku was the most cost-effective and palatable option.  And guys, this thing is amazing.  When I’m done I’m going to watch Skins and then Dexter, and then Wall-E 80 million times.  And I can lower my Netflix subscription down!  I’m thinking of naming my next hamster Roku.

2. Philosphy Hope in a Jar for dry, sensitive skin: I think I’ve been harping about dry skin for the past four winters on this blog.  I’d always read about the miracle powers of the Philosophy skin care line and after a few solid but non-wowing contenders, I caved and bought a tub of this stuff. And this is for serious the only facial moisterizer I’ve found that actually keeps my face moist throughout the day AND isn’t heavy or greasy. I love this stuff. And it lasts a long time. Normaly I go through a jar a winter but I still have easily 9/10 left…Screw you, I’m an interesting person.  Anyway go buy this stuff.

3. Staub 6.5 qt Dutch Oven. I’ve been wanting a dutch oven for a long time because I’ve been craving stews and short ribs and I heard you can bake a mean bread in a cast iron dutch oven. And I can use it on the stovetop too.  Also it’s so pretty. Basically this thing is going to make my life 114% more delicious.  I’ve already made short ribs and I loved them. Next I plan to do a big ole pot of homemade bolognese during Snow Storm: The Reckoning 2010. Oh, and I got the fancy name brand one because I’m a label whore and I had a gift card.

Next time I’ll try to do this with clothes and cuter stuff since springtime usually inspires me to buy a lot of $10 jersey dresses that fall apart after three washings. Or maybe I’ll do a Things I Wish I Could Buy and Love.  That would be fun for the whole family.

Here’s a small but telling sampling of my conversations with others the past five days

Me: OMFG.

Friend:

Me: OMFG

Friend:

Me: WTF

Friend:

Me: MICHAEL NEEDS TO DIE IN A FIRE

Friend:

Me: OMFG

Friend:

Me: I’m on episode XYZ.

Friend:

Me: AWW POOR MICHAEL

Friend:

Me: So how is [new love interest]?

Friend: Good.

Me: Does he watch Lost?

I’m currently on episode twelve from Season 2 which, I’m reliably informed, is a great time to take a “break” from serious-viewing and sort of half-watch. Based on what I’m seeing, yeah, this is a good time to sit down and capture my thoughts from season one and half of season two. (If you don’t remember what happens in that episode, or up to that point and want to see what I’m talking about, click here). Of course, the reason I didn’t write earlier is because writing took some very precious Lost time although it is my fault that I had to attend to two things thus effectively slowing me down by approximately five episodes.  At least my eyebrows look fabulous.

Since I couldn’t have my laptop underfoot the entire time I was watching, I started keeping notes on a little notepad.  And reviewing it now, there’s an interesting pattern going on here. At first I wrote all sorts of silly little observations:

• Dude, Locke’s dad looks super creepy and not just because he is but also because he looks like John McCain and mostly I just want him away from me. He’s the epitome of creepy  old man.
• Dude, that is one fucking impressive boat raft.
• Dude, that guy who Sayed visits in Sydney, is he Scottish? Is that a bad accent or did he learn to speak english in Scotland? No, seriously. Go back and watch that episode.
• Walt is totally like that scary kid from the Twilight Zone film. Have you ever seen the Twilight Zone movie? I saw it when I was 7 for the first time and I haven’t been the same since.
• SMOKE MONSTER.

But then my notes take a turn for both the frustrated and the analytical.

A couple of my friends are actively angry at me for going through with this and the most common complaint among those anti-Lost come from those who have seen it and argue that the show always leave you with more questions than answers. Is the show purposefully cloying?

First, I mean how the hell did you guys do it? Wait in between episodes? The best part about watching it all at once is that I don’t have to wait a month or two months or six months to see the next episode. As one friend pointed out, every episode ends with more questions than answers.  They really actively make sure to hand you a couple crumbs but never show you the cake.  What happens with watching in very fast rapid succession is that you tend to notice how small the crumbs are.

One of the things I’ve been writing on my little notepad is a list entitled “Why Do They Seem So Unconcerned About ” and as you can see from my additions there’s always something new that they add

• Where Ethan comes from
• Monster (edited to add “smoke”)
• Rousseau
• the Others
• Pressing the button
• Desmond (and all things Desmond related like what are those vials he ran off with? where the fuck did he go?)
• THE FUCKING OTHERS

Coupled with the fact that no one is shown discussing these issues (whether they do or not), I think one of the most frustrating parts of the show is how you quickly identify points where people choose not to communicate and how it just fucks shit up. I think all of you know what I’m talking about. When you’re screaming at the TV for someone to just say something already, goddamnit, so that they’ll put the gun down, or forget that whole idea of running off after that idiot that ran off or jesus whatever else. And yeah yeah yeah we’ve got their back story and understand their trust issues but let me remind you that WE’RE ALL SHIPWRECKED ON A FUCKING ISLAND. I am just astonished that no one ever feels the need to run up to the others and say OMGYOUWILLNOTBELIEVEWHATJUSTHAPPENEDWHATDOYOUTHINKITMEANS.

The Boy said that this is a common complaint among Lost fans and I guess the reason why we keep coming back: not necessarily hoping we, the viewers, discover the answers that we seek but that the survivors at least try to ask the questions.  I’m sure we all like to believe it probably has a lot to do with the nature of their time on and reason for being on the island. Of course, I’m only 1/6 of the way through the entire show so what do I know. But at this point I see nothing to indicate that this is going anywhere. And yet I’ll keep pressing the stupid button. Just in case.

Before we got started, it might be helpful to have some perspective of what I’m going into this with. Herewith is everything I know about Lost from the ten minutes or so that I’ve seen, plus stuff I’ve overheard both in person and through various web outlets:

• Hurley, the fat one, he dies. Or at least goes crazy? I know there’s something with a cliff. Speaking of which, I also know Hurley stays fat despite being on a deserted island. WHICH IS SUSPECT.
• Michelle Rodriguez dies, I think. And she’s not part of the original group in the first part of the show and is part of this group called The Others, a designation that makes me want to punch someone. I think, though, that it turns out that group is from the original plane and there’s actually an entire set of real Others who like live on the island? In suburban single family communities? This I’m not so clear about.
• Some chick gives birth to a baby.  She may or may not die.
• There is a love triangle. I could’ve just guessed that one. There’s always a love triangle. In every show. In the history of time.
• The nondescript brunette and the hobbit are in love in real life.  Or were, at least. I believe the hobbit dies.
• Something is called the Dharma Project and has a sort of quasi-techno-Buddhist logo that people like to print out and put over beer bottles because THEY LIKE TO PRETEND THE ARE IN LOST.
• Something with a hatch. And an evil guy. Or two evil guys?  But the newest evil guy who I will probably never get to during this project is like really evil and scary looking.  He has not died yet. Because I saw him in an ad for the upcoming sixth season.
• The main character is played by Matthew Fox from Party of Five. Note: I only discovered this fact three months ago.  He has not died yet because he is the pretty star of the show.
• This is more my own hang-up, but no tampons? Are there at least Dharma Project tampons?
• There are flashbacks. Some people have fucked up lives. They might be chosen to be there.
• Smoke monster.

I also know Lost developed a very big online community, including something called a Lostpedia. This is something I can’t necessarily rag on, as I find the best part about shows is the online commentary that appears afterwards. The difference with Lost, though, is that the shows I tend to watch lend themselves to lots of snarky recaps and hilarious GIFs . Lost, on the other hand, has reached levels of analysis normally reserved for literature or the evolution of depth in paintings during the Renaissance. Part of me hates Lost for this reason but I have a feeling I will find this community useful for when I inevitably try to write about season 3 and I still only know about 1/4 of the casts actual character names.

So before I sat down and really decided to watch as much of Lost as possible, I downloaded the first episode to watch at the gym during my run this evening. My bullet-pointed take on my first full episode of Lost:

• Actually before I begin I should note that this was all viewed on an iPhone at the gym, although I did go back to re-watch a couple things to make sure I saw what I saw correctly. But obviously running 6 miles greatly affects one’s viewing of a television show.
• Matthew Fox is far too pretty for this role. I dislike when beautiful people are supposed to be normal people.
• Okay the first several minutes with the scene of the wreckage is pretty compelling stuff but that scene is also supremely weird. Some people seem to be freaking out beyond the necessary point (overacting?) and some are just kinda sitting around or walking around in a daze. Like oh yeah let’s just take a stroll through burning wreckage and moving engine parts. Great idea.
• I haven’t ever heard of this pretty couple before, the young one where the girl acts like a movie star. They must die pretty early.
• Evangeline Lilly is strange. I can’t tell if it’s a poorly written character or she’s just a terrible actor. But that scene where she first encounters Jack is just…odd. She doesn’t seem altogether there until it’s time to be scared about something.
• I’m not sure how I feel about the female characters. We have cute, nice Australian pregnant lady, verbally abused Asian lady, almost died black woman, bitchy blond snob and then nondescript female who will eventually play love interest. ZzZzzZ.
• So then we have standard, we’ve landed on a deserted island, let’s try to stay calm while we wait for help, get organized what-have-you scenes. And then FUCKING MONSTER SMASHING TREES AND TERRIFYING SHRIEKING. Okay. I get it. I totally get it. I have to find out what made that sound. By the way, did someone get an Emmy for that?
• Somewhere in there there’s some boring dialogue between Jack and Kate. I mean this might be interesting if you are busy painting your nails or something, but when you’re running, some of this dialogue just sticks out like a piece of shrapnel in your chest. The whole counting to five bit? And then she did it later? How long until they kiss? Four episodes? Five? That being said, there are some pretty snappy zingers. So it’s a wash in this regard. I see what The Boy means when he says he hates romance on a show.
• So like any smart person would do, we head into the forest to find some sort of device that may or may not save us. And then suddenly I think my video got switched up with the Tom Cruise version of War of the Worlds. Based on how that scene played out with the pilot, I would not have been shocked at all if those three legged things came down and grabbed one of them. However, I do like that they don’t give the audience in inch when it comes to actually cluing us into what’s happening out there.
• The second half of the pilot gets really juicy and rather than do a line by line analysis let me just give you running stream of consciousness. OH SHIT. POLAR BEAR. WTF. FRENCH VOICE FREAKY. MAY NEVER SLEEP AGAIN. KATE’S THE PRISONER?! I LOVE THIS SHOW.

I know it’s been close to a full month said I said anything at all, let alone anything of substance, in this here space. The truth is that I’ve been so much enjoying being out of school and having so much free time to do completely useless yet time consuming things. Like running. Making homemade kimchi. Re-watching Veronica Mars season one. Trying out a slew of new dining establishments. Reading. Like reading BOOKS! Novels! Words! Without any pictures!

Okay the truth is that I haven’t blogged because I usually compose my posts in Google Docs and at some point the names of the documents in my file list disappeared, leaving me with just a list of dates and the item’s sharing properties. I played around with the settings and tried to figure out what happened to my goddamn document names but mostly the disappearance stymied me and I just couldn’t bring myself to do a thing about it. It turned out the name column had been adjusted so small that it hid the names and I just had to readjust the column. It took me an additional two weeks to get over that blow to my imagined intelligence levels.

So needless to say, like too much of a good thing, this unlimited, unstructured free time is starting to wear on me. It didn’t take long to realize that I needed something meaningful in my life; I need some sort of structure, some goal. I’ve been doing some research into various volunteer opportunities. Considered looking into joining some creative writing group, maybe signing up for photo development lab and actually start using my stellar film cameras. You know, something that would unleash the unused parts of my brain, stimulate the creative juices, maybe inspire me.

And then today, like a toilet made of kismet falling straight from the sky and crushing me in a pile of porcelain and shit, it hit me:  someone said that there was no way anyone could watch all five seasons of Lost in time for the premier next Tuesday. And never one to let that sort of dare go by me (which, by the by, was never even spoken with a twinkle in my direction) , I decided to give it a try and see how far I could get.

It should be noted that the only reason this is even mildly interesting is that I don’t particularly like Lost as a concept and have spent the past four years or so hasslin The Boy for his dedication and constant nerdgasms over this show.  I don’t care what happens in the show or what I’m missing out except where the History of Pop Culture is concerned. And mostly I’m  curious to see if I can truly waste some as many hours of my life in as short and dedicated time span as possible.

I also think it’d be kinda cool to show you what it’s like to watch Lost for the first time at this stage of the hype machine, especially from someone who is going in with a lot of cynicism but willing to try to enjoy it. So I plan on commenting when I have some illuminating things to say, or when I just feel like complaining. Get the bourbon ready and let’s have some fun!

Lest anyone wrongly believe that I wrote these five days after the year started and thus suck, you are wrong good sir! I finalized my 2010 resolutions several days before midnight last Thursday but just haven’t gotten around to writing fun little blurbs that you will ignore before moving on to the next item in the list.  You see, I was way too busy during the holiday break, sleeping in excess of twelve hours a day and watching useless television.  I actually watched HGTV even though I have no home to renovate and find their designs to be of the conservative, boring, model-home style that no one actually lives in so much as admires from afar. And then there was Jersey Shore. So, yeah. Busy.

So I thought I’d sit down right now and write them out since my lunch is heating in the microwave and based on the power output of that machine that gives us about 30 minutes or so. Let’s get started!

I think that’s it for 2010.  I figure if I run this hypothetical “marathon” in, say, October, I’ll be dead before the year is up so I really won’t even have time for anything else.  Also I’m trying to keep the goals reasonable and attainable to avoid inevitable failure. Okay that’s not true. I tend to do pretty well on my yearly resolutions, it’s just that I usually can’t remember them by the time March roles around.